The Note

It was about quarter to six when I got home from work, lights all out in my apartment, and I wondered why since she should have been home from work by now herself.  She did not text me at all today but I was so busy myself I had hardly realized until I walked up to my front door, unlit and knob slightly colder than normal.  I walked inside with nothing out of place, but a note was placed upon the counter.  It read:

"Dear Samuel," which is never good when my full first name is used,
"I wanted to tell you in person but I did not have the heart.  It is not that I do not love you anymore, I promise you I do, but I also just was talking with Janine and, well, I think it just isn't fair for me.  I think I settled."

At that moment it was as if the knife beside the note just pierced through my chest.  Settled?    After three years now you finally realized the big epiphany?  One talk with a friend is all it takes?  Settled?  My mind could not wrap itself around this idea after three years.

"I know you think I am crazy."  Perhaps I should have read this part as well before I reacted; perhaps it was a positive thing that at least she knew.

"I truly do apologize. I do not want you to blame yourself or think you're anything less than amazing."  I think this is my favorite part I read.  I am not good enough for you, but I am nothing less than amazing.  The oxymoron for the regular moron.  I got a little bitter by this point, as it became obvious that this whole letter was a sham to make herself feel better.

"I never cheated on you."  As she writes that down, it just becomes implanted in my head that maybe she did.

"I have always loved you."  I doubt it.

"And I hope you never forget what we had together."  At this point of the letter I almost threw it away.  However, for whatever reason, my mind needed to be berated a bit more by this complete bull my now ex was saying.

"However, I am leaving, forever."  And there was the nail in the coffin.  It was finally spelled out.  I just have no idea why she was doing this to me through a letter.  Really?  A letter?  In an era where technology is everywhere almost to a fault, you write me a letter.  I could not even hear her last words to me, I had to read them.

"I should explain the conversation I had with Janine.  We were talking about you and Marc and how you two are great boyfriends and how we love each of you truly and madly.  You give me everything I need before I ask it and buy me little gifts just because it is another day we have been together.  And I smile, but I settled.  I settled for the prince the five year old me wanted, instead of the king the thirty year old me needs.  I know that may not make sense to you, but every Abercrombie and Fitch model walking down the street reminded me of everything I could be having, but they won't settle for me like I did for you.  I do love you, I promise, but I need to go.

Love,
Aimee."

I had no idea what that last paragraph meant, I read it back and forth and really had no idea.  I was genuinely stumped.  I picked up my phone and called her to just ask her nothing more than what that cryptic end meant, and I heard her phone in the bedroom.  I opened the door and saw her on the bed in a pool of blood with the other kitchen knife in her hand and a deep slice across her neck.